Turmoil

I am not out to look for pity, because I am not one to blame things on other people. Pretty much, I believe that we are where we are because we have made choices that put us here. Things daisy-chain off of one choice to another to another. Sometimes it feels like life has painted us into a corner, but it isn't life or chance, it is our own decisions.

I see a lot of people try to blame their circumstances on others. It is mostly BS. I suppose there are people that have totally been screwed, but 99.9% of them are acctually where they are because of their own choices.

Sometimes I get down, like everyone does, because life seems to be kicking the shit out of me. But if I take the time to look at the situation, I ALWAYS find that I am the creator of my own situation.

My recent troubles with my teeth are a result of genetics, certainly. But only my decisions made them what they are. Seven years ago, I knew my teeth were going bad. At that time I made the decision to fight losing my teeth. I could have opted for dentures, but said "Hell no, I will fight every step of the way"
So if I lose a battle, the war is still of my choice.
There has been a lot of turmoil at home recently.. V. is a pretty good kid. He isn't into drugs or running with a bad crowd, or in trouble with the law. I know a lot of people would wish for a kid like him.
He is also an arrogant, insensitive, disrespectful, selfish spoiled rotten asshole.
There are times I really wish I could take hime out behind the woodshed and teach him how it REALLY is. But I am not willing to spend time in jail to prove the point.
He does not get along with Mrs A. He is disrespectful. Talks back. If he talked to me like he does to her, he would apollogize, or I would beat the crap out of him.
V is my grandson, now adopted, and legally my son. I don't need to go into all of the very painful circumstances that brought this about. But I accepted the responsibilty to provide him with a stable and safe environment.

As usual with idealistic undertakings, it has led me down paths I never anticipated or wanted. You have to understand that he has no other spokesman. No one who has been willing to stand up in his behalf and take his defence.

I have the legal and moral responsibility to be his patron. He is a senior this year, and will be 18 on July 1st next summer. In a way I look forward to the point when I have no legal responsibility and can tell him that I no longer am required to put up with his BS.

I don't know what he thinks will happen when he graduates. The world is not waiting out there, wanting to meet his desires and needs, has no legal requirement to give him anything. The world basically doesn't give a shit if he lives or dies. OR YOU, OR ME.

The conflict between V and Mrs A is dificult for me. I need to take care of V, but in a lot of ways I would really like to just kick the crap out of him. Mrs A is much more of a controller than I am, but she is not wrong in expecting to be treated with respect. On one hand I have a legal responsibilty. On the other hand I have my heart, because I love Mrs A more than anything in this world.

Which lands me right in the middle of a situation I can in no way control.

As I told Mrs A the other day "No matter what I do, I'm F&(*ed".