I think Homeland Security must have decided I was smuggling aliens around in my ass or something.
My health care provider sent me off the the gastroenterologist.
They made me drink a gallon of gawdawful swampwater, so I spent the evening pooing my brains out. For those who have accused me of having sh** for brains, I can assure you that it is no longer true. Anything below my hair and above my knees that even remotely resembled poo was forcibly ejected out
If that wasn't enough they inflated my intestines with compressed air and shoved a camera up my ass. Fortunately during the exam they filled me full of drugs so I didn't care. "Hey, more air over here. I think I can play the Star Spangled Banner on the Butt Trumpet!"
This is the only medical procedure I have undergone where I was actively encouraged to fart.
At any rate, they found no aliens. One small polyp that they removed. A small patch of diverticulitis but nothing major.
Two days without a decent meal. The first thing I did afterwards was head for Denny's and a decent breakfast. Unfortunately they didn't have any.
I think I will decline to do it again.
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