No one can get under your skin quite like family. Mrs A. and daughter-in-law have been at war since Thanksgiving. I adopted my grandson V. several years ago. At the time my son was not in a position to be able to take care of him. Since then he has remarried, and when he did, I let V. go live with him and his new wife. Soon after they got married we started receiving complaints about how difficult it was to raise a kid. Those complaints accelerated until we were asked to take him back, which we did. I was extremely disappointed in the situation, but I love my grandson and if it is my fate to raise him, I will embrace that challenge.
DIL didn't talk to V. for six months after he came back to live with us,because "her feelings were hurt". Then she got in touch and said she was better, so she wanted to start seeing V. again. She wanted to be his "mom". She didn't want to raise him or discipline him or be responsible for him, she just wanted to be free to come and get him whenever it was convenient, reap all the rewards of being "mom" and then dump him back on us. We let her know that she could have a role in Vs life, but that it wasn't "mom". Mom is the one that gets him up in the morning and off to school, makes him do his chores, is there for him 24/7. That is Mrs. A. and she is the only one in his short life that has really filled that role. So Mrs A. tried to make amends, and it cost her a lot of effort to let by-gones be by-gones. I was proud of her that she had the grace and fortitude to make that step. Unfortunately DIL has very nastily refused any overtures of reconciliation.
So, this morning I sent an e-mail to DIL to say that she had effectively resigned as Vs "mom" when she sent him to live with us, and so she has no say in any decisions regarding him, that I will back Mrs. A. one hundred percent. It may be that this will cost me my relationship with my son, but if he chooses to support her childish behavior, so be it.
Damn this all sucks!
4 comments:
Al, you have to look out for V. now. Your son is important but he blew it when it came to raising his own son and you stepped in. They really have no rights to V.'s upbringing now. If her feelings are "hurt" then tell her it isn't about her anyway. It is about V. since he is the one that matters the most. And taking care of V. in the best manner possible means making sure Mrs. A and you have a united front to give V. some stability. I know it sucks but really, they are the ones that have chosen this path, not you. Hang in there for V.'s sake. He is turning into a fine young man.
Hey, I think you did the EXACT right thing. It may suck, but it's the honest to God's truth....Mrs. A. is the true mom in this picture, not your DIL.
Thanks for your support, I really needed it. I am usually the kind of person that makes up his mind with careful consideration and once my mind is made up, nothing will stop me, but this has been eating a hole in my head.
I'm with the PQ on this
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